Asian American Empowerment - Brothers, Can You Spare Some Spine?

By Rick Sha
©2003 Rick Sha

Taking the Easy Way Out is a great article but Sister, Can You Lend An Ear is one of my favorite articles ever written by an Asian American woman on Asian America because the article covers bases that's often ignored when the subject of community and activism are discussed.

Like the author noted, I too am disturbed when I hear a "politically aware" Asian woman talk about the dynamics of race, gender, and politics when she’s involved with a white man. This sort of back talking is something I have seen time and time again with so-called politically active Asian women, and it smacks of hypocrisy and contradiction.

Ms.Oh really nailed it on the head when she said "Since I am fighting a system that characterizes Asian men as being undesirable and weak, it would undermine my own credibility if I were to choose a white male over an Asian male." So unlike many of these so-called "politically aware" Asian women, the author actually sees and understands the correlation between the talking the talk and walking the walk. And while there are many Asian women pretenders to the cause, there are just as many true crusaders to the cause. Articles like these - written by a true-blue sister - make me proud to have a strong sister like her on our side. So why don't we see and hear more Asian women with that voice and viewpoint?

While both articles touched on many things that Asian America should do to better connect the community as a whole, I also feel very strongly about the sexist, misogynistic and patriarchal attitudes that many of our lost brothers harbor towards our sisters. Now I'm referring to the hapless sellout Asian men who are constantly criticizing Asian women for dating and marrying out yet would give each other high fives whenever they see a brother with a white woman on their arm. Seeing an Asian brother with his white woman does not make me break out in cartwheels. In fact the site of Asian men with their trophy makes me even more furious. How are they gonna criticize Asian women for being sellouts when they go around thinking that it's ok to have a white woman dripping off their arm? The hypocrisy runs both ways.

One of the major round table discussions among Asian men is the rapid rate at which Asian women are dating and marrying white men. While their frustration is understandable, I find it appalling that their attitude is often to "give up on Asian women altogether" and try to land a trophy white woman. It appears the reasoning is "if Asian women don't want us, then our only recourse is to also date outside." But the flaw in that mentality is that it solves nothing, does nothing to empower our community and is just as hypocritical.

The Insecurities of the Asian American Male

But some of these brothers sound like they have taken a page out of the "politically aware" Asian women's guide to selling out. Recently, I've encountered more and more lost brothers who are using the exact same excuses that whitewashed sellout "politically aware" Asian women have used to justify their relationship with a white man. I have been hearing from lost brothers that "Asian women are too snobby", "Asian women don't give me the time of day", "I'm not attracted to Asian women because black hair turns me off", "All Asian women want 6 foot guys with muscles". Now if that ain't a ***** and a half. Say what? Is it really Asian women's "attitudes" that's the problem or Asian men's own insecurities? For Asian men to lay the blame on Asian women to compensate for Asian men not having game and putting white women up on a pedestal like that is foolish. These poor ass excuses for going after white women just makes me wanna go Columbine on these lost brothers.

The relationship woes for many of these justifying brothers are not because of Asian women being "snobby" or "materialistic" but rather because of their own insecurities as an Asian man in America. Growing up as Asian men, we have all too often been subjected to images where we are the bad guys, the servants, and the eunuchs while the Asian woman has been the damsel in distress, the lotus blossom, and the chinadoll. The need to de-emasculate ourselves has taken many forms. There are a growing number of lost brothers who are so hell bent on "proving" that they are not the “emasculated eunuchs” that they are portrayed to be that they will go to any length to hook up with a white woman. Being able to land the supreme trophy, the ultimate prize is the all-American dream for these brothers. To lay blame to Asian women and to apply these personality traits as if to say only Asian women are snobby or materialistic or suggest that only Asian women want a tall man as justification for their preference to white women is just as whack as those Asian women who say "Asian men are unromantic", "Asian men are patriarchal" or “Asian men are short”. These excuses - one after the other - infuriate me to no end.

I hardly think white women are suckers for short white men nor do I think white women are chasing after the Woody Allens of the world. Take a look at any of the reality based shows like The Bachelor and Joe Millionaire and you will see all these snobby materialistic white women are all after their very own well off 6 foot white man. So these "snobby", "materialistic" personality traits are not applicable to only Asian women.

When I hear Asian men say that they are only attracted to white women or that they're gonna start dating white women from here on out, I have to laugh at their stupidity. If the images of Asian men are that of “feminized eunuchs”, why the ***** would white women want that? Gonna start dating? Like white women are tripping over each other upon hearing a lost brother profess his attraction to her white-ness. And if the image of the Asian women now is one of desirability and sexuality then why are Asian men trying to land their own white trophies? Shouldn't these Asian men be wanting and going after what white men now deem "beautiful" or are these Asian men trying to hook up with a white woman because they know white men’s perception of Asian women are based on nothing but racist stereotypes?

The fact of the matter is the aesthetics of what goes into being a “beautiful” Asian woman are stereotypes espoused by white men for their own Asiaphiling fantasies. The standard of beauty and the ideal is still "whiteness" in the form of fair hair and light eyes. Therefore lost brothers who desire the token white trophy are very much trying to dispel the stereotype that they are eunuchs. Gender and social dynamics aside, who do these brothers think they're fooling when they proclaim a "preference" for white women? Their white “preference” doesn’t mean jackshit. More likely than not, the sight of Asian women with their white boyfriends have caused the brothers to view all Asian women as self-loathing sellouts. Therefore going after the unattainable "white girl" is just a justification on their part because the validation of a white woman is the ultimate validation of their manhood and sex appeal.

Same White Choice

Sadly, the scapegoating and blaming of one another by both genders is a testament to how the Jewish controlled WASP endorsed media has brainwashed our community. Each is trying to up one the other by seeing who can sellout the fastest and who can distance themselves the furthest from the community and each other. Yes, I am aware that the media continually pumps out the Asiaphiling fantasy of Yoko look-alikes and yes there are a proportional amount of whitewashed sellout Asian women who are stereotyping themselves to white men. But because of our position in American society, Asian men must not and should not think that landing a white woman is the answer to all their romantic woes. Nor should Asian men behave in a sexist and misogynistic manner towards Asian women who are down with the cause. This will only create a bigger rift in the delicate Asian American fabric.

The solution to the problem is not by demeaning and degrading Asian women but by working together towards a solution. It's undeniable that Asian women have always dated and married out at a higher rate than Asian men, but increasingly, Asian men are also doing their fair share of selling out with their trophy white women. Hypocrisy and selling out is not the solution to empowerment. The solution is when Asian women and Asian men work together and NOT see each other through the same stereotypical lenses that white men and women see us through.

Just like I can't see how a "politically aware " Asian woman can claim to be representing when she is with a white man, I also cannot see how a brother can claim to be “representing” when he chastises Asian women for their choice of mate when they have made the same [white] color choice. Asian men must not, should not and cannot treat Asian women with double standard gloves to justify their relationship with a white woman. And how are the brothers gonna expect the sisters to sympathize and fight along side them if they’re unwilling to curb or acknowledge their own sexism and the sexism the sisters face from the mainstream white community?

Celebrities often lose credibility when their lifestyle doesn't reflect the public service ads that they endorse like those anti-drug ads. Whose gonna take that celeb druggie seriously? The same credibility issue applies to our community. To be truly politically active and aware, I feel that both brothers and sisters must be conscious of their actions especially in their dating habits. If the name of the game is empowerment, then the actions should reflect the rules of the game.