By JXu
Special to ModelMinority.com
July 2004
Let me share some personal experience with my fellow Asian men. We have seen a lot of anger in Asian men toward their Asian female sisters for choosing White men over them. I have the same feelings as well. There was a time when I was naive enough to think that if I treat my Asian sisters with more care and respect than their white boyfriends, and pretent to be perfectly comfortable with being taken for granted and discriminated against by Asian women, that eventually they will treat us with the same respect.
Once I went skydiving with an Asian female friend. She brought two of her friends, both male, one Asian, one Cauasian. Somehow the my friend was assigned to the same airplane with her Asian friend to jump at the same time, leaving me and the Caucasian friend together. My female friend corrected the "mistake" promptly by announcing that she was with her Caucasian boyfriend. The woman working there looked at her, then gave me and the other Asian guy a curious stare for a few seconds, as if to say that she shouldn't have been blamed for getting it wrong.
In a casual conversation, a white male colleague, who was married to a Korean woman, told me how popular he was among Korean women being six foot two with blond hair, and how many Asian women he had dated before he got married. The only thing on my mind was "what the hell did I do to deserve being told right to my face how our women love white guys? I did not sign up for this."
I have tons more of stories on this subject which I won't bother to tell here. I want to deal with the cause of this disturbing phenomena. It has existed for decades, but in the past 10 years, it has intensified even more. Partly because of the media that constantly portraits Asian men with ridiculous, talentless, unflattering images like William Hung. However the main reason is within ourselves. My conclusion is that in Asian culture, there is a very strong desire to conform, to be part of the dominant group. While African, Latino and Jewish Americans struggled for years to promote their own unique identity and culture, Asian Americans have been trying very hard to get rid of our own to be more "Westernized" and "Americanized". The Hip-hop culture we see today in mainstream America was once ridiculed as uncivilized by the very same society less than a decade ago. Today we see many Hollywood figures proudly announcing their Jewish heritage.
Now look at the Asian community. How proud are we to be Asian? Many Asian parents are happy to see their children associating only with white kids. There is an implicit rule that to be American is to be white. It follows that those of us who are "unfortunate" enough to look different, can only be upgraded to be more American when we date white people. The term "model minority" is a direct result of our culture that promotes conformity over ethnic identity. While it is true that it did bring financial rewards and social recognition for some individual Asian Americans such as Connie Chung and Lucy Liu, the overall Asian American community has suffered greatly, both in terms of opportunities and respect for our people as a whole.
So what can we do about it? we must change our thinking from within. We must get rid of the wrong idea that to be American means to be white. That means we should not laugh at African Americans for being Black, because our kids are now following their white friends to become the Hip-Hop generation. That means we should celebrate our culture and our heritage. Mainstream America knows us for our marshall arts, but we should not hide the other wonderful aspects of the Asian culture. We are a very smart people, well educated and rational. That is nothing to be ashamed of just because Holywood says it is nerdy.
There is one most important thing that we should do to counter the fact that many Asian American women are tossing away their own people and the dignity of the Asian community for acceptance. As friends, we must let them know that it is unacceptable. No true friendships can be built onpun discrimination, especially against her own people. Over the past two years I have broken off friendships with three Asian women who had chosen to white men over their Asian brothers. As parents, you should seriously reconsider your unconditional approval of your daughter's discriminating choice of color when it comes to picking a boyfriend, for your son may very well be the victim of exactly the same kind of discrimination.
For those who choose to do nothing, keep complaining, and let the betrayal continue, I can only say "too bad."
