By Hsaiokun
Special to ModelMinority.com
July 2003
My experience as an Asian American has been....different. I’m an abc who has hardly lived in the US. I was born the States, but now I go to an international high school in an Asian country. I moved here at the age of 5. For the first 9 years of my education, I went to local schools because my parents wanted me to learn Chinese. (I won't reveal this Asian country because I am afraid to speak my mind. In a country of political correctness, I don’t want to feel uncomfortable while writing about my culture troubles. To be clear, this country isn't Hong Kong, Taiwan or China.)
I take cabs all the time. Most drivers here are really friendly. During conversations, I’m usually a specimen of curiosity—an overseas Chinese girl with an American accent. Occasionally, some taxi drivers would also compare the ‘loose’ values in America to the ‘conservative, good-natured Chinese’ ones here. Whenever someone makes comments like this, I feel a twinge of sadness. It’s not of being stereotyped, but rather the feeling of being alone. Although I've lived here for most of my life, my identity’s still not accepted by some older folks. Nevertheless, I’m not upset at jaded cab drivers. Most of these individuals were still nice to me, so they weren’t really prejudiced.
For my freshman year of high school, I moved to Boston for about a year. It was my first time going to a school in America. Upon arriving Logan Airport, I was impressed by the diversity of the city. Most of all, the feeling of ease with it. I must have heard at least 5 different languages in a moment, while waiting for my luggage. Because we were visiting schools, we drove through the state. In the mornings, we had breakfast in diners. When we talked to people about home, they didn’t listen with a subtle smugness, but rather, a pleasant curiosity. I didn’t have to explain about my multicultural background. Everyone accepted me for who I was, no questions asked. I felt glad not to be embarrassed for the first time in awhile. Well aware that I was far from home, some friends even offered to be my host family. Goodness gracious, the school even had a multicultural center to take care of international students like us. I will never forget these true gestures of care and concern.
I only discovered Asian-American sites like Model Minority this year. While people are writing about the tough times of being stereotyped as Asian, I guess I understand how it’s like to be stereotyped as American. For awhile, I had an identity crisis because I didn’t know what or how I should be. But I don’t feel the pressure to be fall into either category anymore. I’ll just be myself because I’ve come to like being both.
