That was the come-on in the recent Learning Annex catalog for a June 12 class called "How to Attract & Date Asian Women with Ming Tan." The two-hour-and-45-minute, $44 course promised students that they would become an "Asian woman magnet" after learning such things as "How to flirt in Chinese—get way beyond ‘Ni Hao Ma!’" ("How are you?")

Well, pity the poor, lonely Asian-seeking souls out there, because Ms. Tan’s class was canceled, with no future dates planned and no explanation offered.

So what happened?

"The course got in there by mistake," said Learning Annex national director Steven Schragis, speaking from the company’s headquarters on East 53rd Street. "We have a number of programmers around the country and they book courses, and there are procedures to check them, but this one slipped by."

Mr. Schragis continued: "Essentially what happened is, we have a class that we offer sometimes about meeting Jewish singles. And a person thought, ‘Well, that class is successful—let’s play off that.’ And that’s how it started, evidently."

Did people at the Learning Annex think there was something untoward about men afflicted with what is sometimes (tastelessly) called "yellow fever" or "Asian fetish" seeking the cure (i.e., scamming techniques) in one of their classes?

"I think you are extremely astute in your analysis of what’s going on here," Mr. Schragis said.

Ms. Tan, who calls herself an "Asian relationship expert," did not agree to an interview, but she did send a long e-mail on June 14. She wrote that she is a first-generation Chinese-American born in New York City who has lived in the United States for over two decades. She has two online dating Web sites, www.AttractAsianWomen.com and www.AsianSocials.com, and decided to write her book, How to Attract Asian Women, "after lots of men used what she said were ineffective pick-up lines targeted towards her Asian ethnicity."

In her e-mail, Ms. Tan added that her book’s purpose is to "raise awareness" about rudeness toward Asian women and to "educate men that Asian women do not want to be stereotyped." She claimed to have interviewed hundreds of Asian women from all over the United States who were between the ages of 19 to 58, some of them recent immigrants, others Asian-American.

"My book is not intended to objectify Asian women," she wrote. "I wanted the book to be fun and tongue-in-cheek, to show the humorous side of some Asian women’s dating experiences, thus the ‘An Asian Woman Reveals It All’ subtitle …. It was not my intent to offend anyone. My intent is to break social barriers, not watering down the message to be politically correct all of the time to eliminate criticism that would make the message fade away. So, if criticism comes with the territory, I accept that as part of the process."

"Why are some subjects so taboo that they cannot be discussed?" she asked halfway through her e-mail. "Isn’t freedom the reason why so many people from countries all over Asia come to the United States?"

Ms. Tan said that the Learning Annex recruited her, named the class, wrote the ad copy and asked her to teach it. "The class was canceled due to protests," she wrote. "While I have received many nasty e-mails from these protesters, I have also received many supportive e-mails."

Mr. Schragis conceded that he was "quite sure" that there had been at least one call to the Learning Annex from someone objecting to the class. "Did someone call and complain? I think that probably did happen. They didn’t complain to me, but I’m not surprised. It was a mistake. I wish it didn’t happen."

Was the class canceled to appease the forces of political correctness?

"That happens every once in a while," Mr. Schragis admitted. "But that’s not what’s going on here. The people who would complain about this course—I wasn’t fighting them, I was saying, ‘You’re right. It’s not what you think, but I understand what your problem was, and guess what? It’s not going to be taught. We’re not fighting, we’re agreeing. We’re friends.’ That’s what was going on here."

Mr. Schragis said the cancellation had nothing to with Ms. Tan personally and stressed that she hadn’t been banned. "She didn’t do anything wrong," he said. "She got caught in the middle of something that shouldn’t have happened."

Yellow Fever Outbreak Averted

It certainly seemed like an ad geared to Asian-fetish white guys. It appeared in the June Learning Annex catalog: "How to Attract & Date Asian Women." With teasers like "How to be an Asian woman magnet," and "How to flirt in Chinese."

The course, a new offering, was abruptly canceled a week before its June 12 launch. It was to have been presented by Ming Tan, a Chinese-American writer who grew up in New York City. She’s described in the Annex brochure as an "Asian relationship expert of the Asian and American Professionals Network’s AsianSocials.com," and "author of How to Attract Asian Women."

Tan says she understands the course was canceled after a flurry of protest from Asian-Americans who thought it was targeting Asian women as playthings. Tan says the course, like her book, would teach American guys, Asian and not, how to approach Asian women in a way that won’t offend them. The problem, she says, was twofold: that the book has a tongue-in-cheek attitude, and that the title was misinterpreted as a catchphrase for Asian fetishers.

The fetish thing, Tan says, wasn’t intentional. Nevertheless, protest e-mails were sent to both her and the Annex. Comments were posted on Asian websites like asianavenue.com and igoo.com. Some protesters threatened to shut down Tan’s own website, attractasianwomen.com.

The igoo.com controversy started when "chungtita" posted the Annex ad on the site’s message board. More than 30 responses came in over the next few days. Comments included: "Wow. That is what you call one dumb ass bitch. I hope she gets married to some ignorant yellow-fever idiot," and "Ming Tan sold out to Mr. Capitalism..."

Tan had her defenders. "You people have it all wrong. This is not just for white guys," one wrote. "I was at one of Ming’s events in May and she was very nice." Another added, "Ming Tan is so misunderstood here. Before you pass judgment, why don’t you read her book in its entirety?"

"Angryasianman.com" blasted the Annex course on his site. Angryasianman, aka Phil Yu, regularly denounces perceived racial injustices. "Singling out Asian women is degrading them as some sort of a prize to be had," he says. "I don’t see other ethnic groups being targeted this way."

I ask members of a "relationships forum" at asianavenue.com what they thought of all this. "Aznxtreme777" responded: "Let me guess. U r an idiot. And u need a bigger idiot to tell you how to rope Asian girls, right? I thought so."

The national director of the Annex, Steven Schragis, has his own explanation for why the course was canceled. It was his decision, he says. He claims he wasn’t aware of the protesting e-mails, and there was only one phone call he knew of.

"It’s not a class that should have run. It seemed a bit offensive. It wasn’t appropriate."

And only three or four guys enrolled for it anyway, he adds.

How to Act on a First Date With an Asian Woman

You must be on your best behavior on the first date. Some pointers:

• Do not talk about your ex-girlfriends, especially Asian ex-girlfriends if you are a non-Asian guy
• If you are an Asian guy, don't talk about your white ex-girlfriends. Asian girls generally think that Asian guys who bring up their white ex-girlfriends in conversation are bragging. Just don't talk about ex-girlfriends!
• Do not smoke
• Be yourself
• Do not concentrate too much on her Asian ethnicity
• Do not call Asians by the term "Orientals"
• Do not put down Asian men
• Do not talk about sex
• Pay attention to her, and do not look around the room for other women
• Pay for the date and do not talk about money
• Be fun, relaxed, and happy

You must arrive on time. Lots of Asian ladies have reported getting turned off after a guy shows up late for a date. You do not want to spoil your chances of dating an Asian lady by being late, so always give yourself plenty of time for travel. Better to arrive early than to make your Asian woman wait!

If you are meeting your date in person for the first time after emailing or chatting over the Internet, then she probably does not want you to know where she lives until she gets to knows you better. In such cases, you should offer to pick her up at work or at home, while expecting her to say that she will meet you in a public place. Understand that this might be for her own safety and not because she doesn't like you.

If you met through friends or have known each other for some time in other situations, she would probably expect you to pick her up at her home or office--even if you do not have a car. This is something guys in metropolitan areas such as New York City have to watch out for, since many guys in New York don't own automobiles. Picking up your date just makes her feel more special. If a man is doing the driving, he should open the door for the lady when they get to the car and also when they arrive at their destination. It may seem awkward to you at first, but you will be thought of as a gentleman. Remember, respect is very important in Asian cultures. Warning: For Americanized Asian-Americans, too much of this might seem patronizing or too cavalier.

During the date, remember that she is just as nervous as you are. So relax and concentrate on being yourself and on having a good time. Don't worry about whether she likes you or not because she is probably wondering the same thing about you. A nice, polite compliment at the beginning of the date with a smile would make her warm up to you. You can compliment her on her outfit or on how wonderful she looks. Just be sure not to use any sexually suggestive compliments. For example, say:

• "You look lovely tonight."
• "You look even more beautiful than you do in your photo."

• "Gosh, all you Orientals are so gorgeous."
• "I love you sexy Asian women."
• "That dress shows off your beautiful behind."

Many Asians have alcohol dehydrogenase deficiency, which means that they lack the enzyme used to digest alcohol. According to The Merck Manual, 50% of Chinese and Japanese and other people of Asian descent lack aldehyde dehydrogenase-2, an enzyme involved in ethanol metabolism. This might result in alcohol intolerance, flushing of the face, muscle weakness, nausea, and other nasty symptoms whenever any alcohol is ingested. I am not a doctor, but I know from personal experience that I get really nauseous and weak when I ingest even a small amount of alcohol. I find it cumbersome to have to explain my alcohol intolerance to people who don't understand that this affects a large percentage of the Asian population. People make me feel like it's antisocial not to drink; little do they know it's actually physical! So now that you know this, you can impress your Asian date with your understanding of Asians and alcohol dehydrogenase deficiency. You will get extra points here because most people, except for doctors, do not know about this.

Depending on the lady, she might prefer to eat Asian food, especially if she has just arrived from Asia. Ask her what she prefers to eat to make sure that she will be happy with the food. Many Asians do not like cheese or milk products due to their unfamiliarity with milk and dairy intolerance (my mother gags at the thought of cheese and doesn't eat ice cream despite having lived in the United States for over twenty years). Studies show that around 90% of Asians are lactose intolerant. Aversion to dairy products is less strong for Asians raised in the United States. One exception seems to be ice cream, which is selling well in Asian markets. Asian countries are increasingly demanding exported dairy products due to the Westernization of Asian diets, so perhaps your Asian friend is used to consuming dairy products.

Some Asians take their tea very seriously and do not like the American variety, so you might impress your Asian lady by learning a bit about tea. During the date, she might not eat too much, since some Asian women are very self-conscious about their weight (I've seen lots of diet pills sold in Asian beauty salons) and she might not feel too comfortable eating in front of strangers. Also, concentrate on the ambiance, not the food, and on whether you two can talk and get to know each other better.

You should be a gentleman and pay for the first date. Many Asian women have reported to me that they are accustomed to excellent treatment by their dates. Do not be cheap and insist on equality here or you might not see her again. This is one area where I insist on not being "politically correct"--you bought this book in order to learn about the things that impress an Asian woman from the point of view of an Asian woman herself; trust my advice. Sure, there might be a minority of people who disagree with me, but do yourself a favor and pay for the first date.

On a date, you may show interest in Asian culture (do not mention Asian culture immediately upon meeting an Asian woman); however, do not be condescending about it. Refer to Asians as Asians and never refer to people as "Orientals." It is cute to say a few words of whatever language the lady happens to speak, since by now she would probably have told you where she is from and what languages she speaks. This will probably not apply to Americanized Asian-Americans, who often do not speak any Asian languages.

Do not talk too much about yourself. Focus your attention on her. This will make her feel special and give you clues on where to take her for your next date.

If you think you would like to see her again, then ask her questions regarding what she would like to do on subsequent dates. I'd suggest talking in general about museums or music, and then see what she says. If she says she loves Rodin, then you can be sure that she would like it if you asked her to go see the Rodin exhibit or something related at a museum on your next date.

As a man, you should always hold open the doors and wait for your lady to walk into a room before you. Again, you might think that this is over-doing it by Western standards, but in her eyes doing such things makes you a true gentleman.

At the end of the date, you should bring the lady safely to her home, or at least wait until the lady gets into a cab. If she doesn't know you very well, she may not want you to know where she lives. This is particularly true if you just had your first date after meeting on the Internet.

The following applies if she does indeed know you well enough to trust you: If you want to be romantic then you need to do some extra work and spend the extra time and money to take the taxi with her back home (or driving her home), even if you think it's not likely that she'll ask you to spend the night. Walking the lady to her door would also get you on her good side. I speak both from experience and from my research. If you need examples, see the dating etiquette section of this site, where an Asian lady complains about a date who didn't wait for the bus with her.

Be a gentleman during the entire evening, including at the end of the night. Do not try to push her too early into kissing or other physical activities. Try to read her by her actions toward you to determine whether she likes you enough to want to kiss you. If the girl shows signs of being attracted to you such as touching you, holding your hand, smiling, laughing, and so on, then it is safe to kiss her. Otherwise, a hug would do nicely. Also, keep in mind that it is often taboo in Asian culture to kiss in public; your Asian date might be reluctant to show any public displays of affection even if she likes you. For example, this site says that public displays of affection not welcomed in Asian cultures and this site says that kissing in public is impolite in Japan. Always err on the side of being conservative and respectful. Your Asian lady would appreciate the respect you have shown her and be more receptive to your affection later on. Most of the Asian ladies I interviewed mentioned that the worst thing a man can do on a first date is to make an unwanted sexual advance.