Ever since September 11, but especially after the London subway bombings, I have been getting "the look" on public transportation and at airports. To put it mildly, my days of picking up girls on a plane are over. Even getting up to piss on a plane causes at least one lady to piss herself. It's like a chain reaction.

It's strange for me to get these looks since I was born in this country, have lived the American dream, hang out with very few other brown-skinned folk, and often forget that I'm not white (you know, American). I'm proud of my background/culture, but I'm American first and only.

I don't have an accent, a dot or a large cobra wrapped around my head (except on Tuesdays). I'm your typical poser hipster Indian living in D.C., trying to get my hands on as much smoke, beer and ass as I can.

But step on the Metro with my black nondescript outfit and black backpack (remember, I'm pseudo-hipster) and suddenly I transform into Allah-kazam bin Laden. I frighten tourists from Nebraska with my brown skin and my indifferent stare. I freak out commuters who, despite living in diverse Virginia, still can't tell the difference between a Mexican banger and a Hindu priest. (Clue: The banger is wearing clothes).

I used to get pissed (but only at home, alone and in the fetal position) but I have recently come to terms with this racism. Of course, racism is gonna happen, and minorities, let me be the first to say: Have fun with it. Here's how:

When on the Metro:

1. Look nervous about nothing. Check your watch. Open and close your phone. Whatever. It'll freak out someone.
   
2. Mumble to yourself. I do this anyway (too many shroom trips during college), but throw in some gibberish to really convince them you are close to getting those 72 virgins. I usually speak French… they can't tell.
   
3. Open your book bag at least three times. As soon as you reach for the bag, look at their reactions. Kodak moments all over the place.

My dream is to go on a plane, act crazy suspicious (you know, exactly like all the other terrorists, wearing an obvious turban, sweating profusely and issuing fatwas), basically inviting some white folk to beat the shit out of me. Then when they open my bags, it will be full of Bibles and medicine for sick children. Then I'll sue all the muthafuckers and go live on some island with all my money and broken bones. Now that's the American dream.

Now, I'm sure someone out there, maybe even another brown-skinned person, is saying that I shouldn't do that because it causes unnecessary attention, harm or spreads hate and distrust. Well, guess what? You're absolutely right. But you know what else? Fuck you. Because I gotta deal with this bullshit everyday on the Metro. The goddamn Metro. It's not even a cool subway like NYC or in Paris. The lameass DC Metro.

See also: The Discomfort of Strangers